Running for Her Little Brother

Rae Herlong was 43 when she decided she would run another marathon before turning 45.

It was a promise she had made to herself years earlier, after attempting the Chicago Marathon in 2017 with the TAPS community. She didn’t finish. The experience stayed with her, and for years she knew she wanted another chance.

Now, at 44, Rae is training for the Marine Corps Marathon through the Gold Star & Survivor Endurance Program, running in honor of her younger brother, Army SSG Nolan Parks Barham.

Rae and Parks were just 364 days apart. Growing up, they fought like siblings do, but they were also each other’s first best friends. She remembers him as funny, smart, mischievous, loving, silly, and kind.

“We called him Parks growing up. He started going by Nolan later in life. I called him Parkie Poo when we were teenagers.”

Parks was also deeply committed to his soldiers. Though he “hated authority” growing up, Rae says he thrived in the Army and took his responsibility as a leader seriously. He talked about teaching soldiers how to shave or drive and understood how meaningful it was to be a positive male figure for those who had grown up without one.

“He knew how important that was.”

For Rae, running has become a place to think, remember, and talk to her brother.

“I think about the fun times, the silly times, and I talk to him.”

Training for 26.2 miles is not something that comes naturally to Rae. She considers herself a musician, while Parks was the athlete. The distance can feel overwhelming, particularly for someone who describes herself as a worrier. She has learned to focus on what is directly in front of her rather than the entire marathon at once.

“If I just worry about today, it makes it more manageable.”

That approach has extended beyond the physical challenge. Unlike her first marathon attempt, Rae is not taking this journey on alone. Through wear blue: run to remember, she has found a community that has made the experience feel fundamentally different.

“Previously, I ran with TAPS and my journey was largely my own. This time, we have a chat group, monthly meetings, and that community is making all the difference for me.”

She has also found meaning in carrying the names of the other loved ones represented in her cohort. During her training runs, she says their names and prays for their training, carrying their stories alongside Parks’ story.

For Rae, being part of the Gold Star and Survivor community is complicated. It is a group she never wanted to belong to, but one she now carries with pride. She believes remembering means continuing to speak the names of those who are gone and making sure their stories are not forgotten.

She also hopes to create more space for Gold Star siblings, who she feels can sometimes be overlooked.

“Parks and I were 364 days apart. He has never had a day without me, and I didn’t remember days without him. We were very close. We were so alike and yet so different. He really was the other half of me.”

This October, Rae will return to the marathon distance she once struggled to complete. This time, she will arrive with a decade of life behind her, a community beside her, and her brother’s memory carried with every step.

She has a simple reminder for the difficult days.

“This isn’t forever. This is temporary.”

And she keeps going.